


she was strong.

by dancedance_resolution



Series: LegendsVerse [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Domestic Avalance, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-5x09, TW Dissociation, addressing what happened in 5x09., partially inspired by caity's instagram post where she discusses her relationship with her emotions, partially inspired by the promo 5x10 stills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23938831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancedance_resolution/pseuds/dancedance_resolution
Summary: No one had ever doubted that Ava was strong.No one had ever doubted that Sara was strong.---a follow up to 5x09 that examines Ava's emotions during and post-ep and how she and Sara cope with Sara's new ability
Relationships: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Series: LegendsVerse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857001
Comments: 15
Kudos: 129





	she was strong.

**Author's Note:**

> Thought of the day: Charlie single-handedly established free will. What a bad ass.
> 
> TW: Dissociation. If you struggle with dissociation/dissociative thoughts or episodes, this may not be the best fic for you to read, as dissociation is discussed towards the end of the fic. You can stop reading after the second --- to avoid reading the part that discusses dissociation :)

No one had ever doubted that Ava was strong. Hell, she supposed her strength was quite literally programmed into her. In the darkest hours when it felt like every molecule of her being had caved in and given out, a small part of her knew— _she was strong_. The universe couldn’t throw a challenge at her that she couldn’t meet.  
  


Ava wasn’t sure if her resolute belief that she was strong helped or hindered her in situations like this. When she’s looking at the love of her life unconscious for an unknown reason, does the feeble voice commanding that she stay strong only push her further to the brink of crumbling? Because what if she _can’t_ be strong? Or what if the woman she’s strong for doesn’t make it?

What then?

What she really needed to do was hug Sara, envelope her in the warmth of her protective arms and feel the security of Sara’s steadily beating heart. And god, Ava needed to find herself again in Sara’s eyes, the expansive ocean that she’d grown to call home. Not the dizzied, distant gaze that had been there the past day or two— _why_ hadn’t Ava pressed harder about the reason for that—but the clear and capturing intensity that held onto Ava and kept her from floating away.

But she couldn’t hug Sara. (Ava made a mental note to tell Gideon to update the medbay beds so they could fit two people.) So stroking her thumb across her hand would have to do.

(Later, when Gideon inquired why the interim captain needed the medbay bed expanded, Ava would claim that she needed to be there, next to Sara, to support her the second she woke up. Gideon would pretend to not know that it was really Ava who needed the support. But who could blame her? Gideon had heard her tearful, breathy whispers about how the bed was cold when it was just Ava, alone.)

Ava felt her eyes slowly sink, her lids closing on top of them. _No,_ she told herself, _stop with this._ Self-pity was for the weak. Ava was strong. _Strong_ , she repeated to herself as she felt her breath flood out of her contracting lungs. The twisting feeling in the pit of her stomach would have to wait. The threat of bile clawing at her throat would have to wait. The team needed her to be their captain. And a damn good captain she would be.

The blazing image of Sara collapsing onto the floor replayed in Ava’s mind like a cruel and mocking show, reminding her of what was at stake. Tied to a chair in literal Hell, she felt almost as if she were swaying, living out the heart-shattering scene her mind kept repeating. Her brow furrowed, mirroring how Sara’s did. Her head slowly pivoted, mirroring how Sara’s did. And her muscle memory told her what to do next—speedily crouch onto the floor, place her hand on Sara’s hair, and begin to plead to whatever had caused this—the universe? time? a Fate?—that Sara would be okay.

An increasing number of bricks had begun to stack themselves upon Ava’s heart. But Ava was strong. Ava was strong because Sara needed her to be, because this family needed her to be, because

literal time needed her to be.

And so she was strong.

And that night as she cuddled up next to the still unconscious Sara, a tear rolled down her cheek. Because being strong didn’t mean eradicating emotions; it meant processing them and feeling them and coping with them. And right now, for Ava, coping meant curling up with the love of her life and letting the tear fall.

\---

No one had ever doubted that Sara was strong. Hell, she supposed that her years as an assassin and years recovering from that life had practically programmed her strength into her. In the darkest hours when it felt like every molecule of her being had caved in and given out, a small part of her knew— _she was strong_. The universe couldn’t throw a challenge at her that she couldn’t meet.

When, of course, her strength pulled through, she woke up to see Ava’s eyes peering into hers. Her pre-sight (foresight? clairvoyant eyesight? predictive vision? She’d let the team figure out a name for it later) didn’t even have the time to show her what Ava’s look of glee would be, because Ava’s tender lips were on hers before she could even comprehend what was happening.

Relief. It hung around the women like a protective and reassuring drape.

“Sara,” Ava gasped as she pulled away. “How are you?”

A quick intake of breath signaled to Sara that a torrent of worried sentiments threatened to gush out of Ava’s mouth, so Sara stopped her before her thoughts could spiral any further. “Good. Thank you for being here.”  
  


Sara saw Ava’s mouth agape and prepared to be buried in words of concern, but all Ava could emit was a relieved sigh as she leaned her head upon Sara’s shoulder. Sara found solace in the simple act. Revelations and explanations would come later. Their love was enough for now.

\---

The second time Sara fainted, she was unconscious for only a few moments. Ava had been gently walking her to their room, her arm anchored around Sara’s hip, when she saw a wispy, almost gif-like ghost of Ava dropping to the floor as if she was going to rescue someone. Just like last time, the image brought an overwhelming dizziness to Sara that didn’t subside until a flash turned her world off.

Again upon awakening, she was met by Ava’s gaze. But the same all-encompassing cloak of relief didn’t grace them. Instead the blues of her eyes continued to swirl with concern. “Babe—”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Sara said with a strained voice, groaning a bit as she felt the impact on the back of her head.

“So you’re going to tell me what’s going on now, yeah?” In Ava’s voice, Sara heard worry, impatience, desperation, care. In Ava’s voice, Sara heard love.

So Sara nodded somewhat reluctantly. And after Ava eased her onto their bed, the full story came out.

“Are those three the only visions you’ve had?”

“Yeah.”

“If you saw another, do you think you’d pass out again?”  
  


“I don’t know.” Overpowering tiredness permeated Sara’s voice. “Babe, please stop worrying, I’m sure that Charlie—"  
  


“Right! Charlie!” Ava sighed with emotional exhaustion. “Time to consult a Greek Fate about my girlfriend’s self-destructive clairvoyance. What a fun Tuesday.” Ava’s eyes closed, her hands resting on her temples. “Sara, the visions only happen when you see the thing that’s going to do the action, right? So if you couldn’t see, you wouldn’t have another?”

“I guess not.” Sara’s brain hurt. Everything still felt a bit foggy, even as she tried to power through.

“Close your eyes please, babe. Can you sit up for me?”

“Yeah,” Sara said. Feeling the need to prove that she was still strong, she moved quickly to sit up. The swift motion disoriented her a bit, as she was still—though she wouldn’t admit it—a bit fragile.

  
“Okay,” Ava said as she took an emotionally steadying breath.

A few moments passed before Sara finally felt the mattress shift beneath her, a sign that Ava was climbing off of the bed. She could only image what Ava’s expression was as she had been sitting there, likely ensuring that Sara was stable before leaving for even a brief few seconds.

Sara heard drawers being pulled out and the shuffling sounds of items being shifted around in them. Soon, the mattress shifted again with Ava’s weight. “I’m going to put a blindfold on you now.” Her soft hands began to gingerly wrap a dark gray strip of fabric atop her girlfriend’s eyes.

“Dang. It’s a shame I feel like shit, or I’d be pretty turned on right now.” Sara gave Ava a sheepish smile, and she could feel Ava returning the gesture as she heard her amused exhale.

Soon enough, the cloth had completely suppressed Sara’s eyesight.

“How are you doing? Did I tie it too tight?”

“No, it’s good. Thank you, Ava.” She felt the taller woman’s arms embrace her as warm breath danced on her shoulder.

“I love you,” Ava murmured.

“I love you too.”

“I’m going to consult with Charlie now.”

Sara nodded, and soon enough she heard the door gently close. Now the only sound in the room was her breathing, the rhythmic in and out calming her. With each expansion of her diaphragm, the air that filled her up seemed to tell her she was okay.

Now, listening to her breathing was nice and all, but the Tylenol had started to kick in; what Sara really needed to do was talk to John about that ring. She kicked herself for not remembering to ask Ava about it when she first woke up.

Moving her hands to get a sense for the area around her, she slowly stood up from the bed. After waiting a moment for the stars to go away, she began her careful journey out of the bedroom. Letting her hand run against the wall to guide her, she began to make her way towards the main room of the ship.

And then she ended up—by the bathroom? Or at least that’s what the door’s features felt like, assuming that it even was a door. _Enough of this_ , Sara thought to herself as she ripped the blindfold from her face. Giving her eyes a few seconds to adjust to the sudden light, she opened them and—nothing! No visions, no dizziness! With an added bit of confidence in her step, she made her way to where she suspected John would be.

That’s when it began to happen again. She saw the faint specter of the door opening. _Just keep walking like nothing happened_. The door opened for her, and she proceeded through it, feeling only the slightest bit of unsteadiness. _I’ve got this. I’m strong. I’m pushing through._ Next, she saw the haze of the kitchen lights turn on in her peripheral; a few seconds later, Zari emerged and flipped the light switch to “on.” _Still good_. Then came the foggy image of Zari opening the refrigerator, followed by a clear and real Zari opening a clear and real refrigerator door. Faintly, Sara heard a high-pitched buzzing in the back of her mind, almost like the piercing hum of fluorescent lights.

That’s when everything around her suddenly felt foreign. _None of this is real_ her mind told her as a vague vision of her hand reaching up to touch her face played in her mind. And then her hand was reaching up and touching her face, and why couldn’t she feel her fingers? Why did she just feel cold? Was none of this real?”

“Sara!” was the next thing she heard, followed by panicked footsteps as Ava ran up to her. “Sara, babe, you look distant and why is your blindfold off and I don’t want you to—”

_I’m strong_. Sara pushed everything out of her mind. “I’m fine.” She felt Ava’s hand gently sweep along her jaw.

“Sara, I—”

“Ava,” Sara said eerily calmly, “please don’t freak out, but can you please slowly walk me to our bedroom?”

“Are—”  
  


“Please, Ava. Just take me there and then I’ll explain.” Desperation began to seep into Sara’s voice.

The concerned gaze that landed on Sara seemed never-ending, but soon enough she felt Ava’s steadying arm around her hip. Her legs carried her to her room, and her hips allowed her to sit on the bed. But they didn’t feel like hers. It was not hers; she was not her. It was all just—not surreal, that wasn’t the right word, but…

“It’s like I’m not here.”

Ava cautiously sat down next to Sara, appearing troubled by her sudden statement. “I’m Captain Sara Lance. I lead a time ship. But time, it—it’s not real to me. Me—I’m not even real to me.”

And then, suddenly, Ava pressed a forceful kiss against her lips, and Sara grasped her in return as if she would float away without Ava as her anchor.

“Sara. Look, I get that you’re strong. You’re so fucking strong and fearless and unstoppable and… and you’re _Sara Lance_. But you have to rest, babe. Being strong doesn’t mean pushing yourself to the ledge and blindly hoping that you don’t fall off.” (The irony of using the accidental use of the word “blind” was not lost on Sara.) “Strong means recognizing that you are recovering, and that recovery takes time. So please, give yourself that time. I will be here for you through it all, no matter what. Because if you don’t take that time to recover?” Ava paused for a moment, collecting herself before once again staring deeply into her love’s eyes once more. “Sara, I love you. I love you when you’re rebellious-to-the-point-of-nearly-fainting, I love you when you’re having trouble finding yourself, I love you when you’re blindfolded, I love you when you’re dizzy, I love you when you can’t recognize yourself, and hell, I still love you when you’re unconscious. But I don’t want you to have to suffer through this, especially not long term. So please. Please be strong for me. Give yourself the physical and emotional allowance to recover.”

Ava’s hand crept closer to Sara’s, and it felt—there. Sara felt that her hand was touching Ava’s, and it was real. Her hand was real, Ava’s hand was real, and they were touching. And their fingers were cautiously intertwining. And it felt nice. It felt real and god it felt nice.

Sara could feel a stinging in her eyes as tears threatened to erupt. She gave a solemn nod and leaned into her girlfriend, their lips crashing together like the sea to the shore.

And so Sara was strong.

And so Ava was strong.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) I hope you enjoyed it. This was quite difficult to write, especially towards the end, so I hope you were satisfied with the ending. 
> 
> Feel free to leave kudos/comments bc ~validation is cool~ :)))


End file.
